Despite Mike informing me that this is certainly not a real index, and that every time AP Mike is referred to in the book it should show up as

Lisk, Mike,

in this listing he is however he appears in the book. So sometimes “Mike Lisk”, sometimes “AP Mike”. He should be grateful he appears at all; I don’t, but that reprobate Spike does on multiple pages. (I will formally acknowledge that Mike is absolutely vital, foundational to the show, while I am a blip who only got to ride along because the first time I called, Tom was entertained by the Foghorn Leghorn quality in my accent and told me I could call back anytime. Mike helped build the show; I am a pimple on its cheek.)

Here’s the complete listing, as best as I could record it. I hope the formatting is not awful; this started as an Excel spreadsheet, and there is no promise that the framing was maintained when it got dragged over to this blog format.

It is obvious that this is Tom’s intellectual property. I was a little nervous that the process that I used occasionally extracted punchlines from the book. (see “David Bowie” for an example.) I clearly am a supporter of Tom, Jason, Mike and Pat, and the show. If Tom asks me to take the “index” down, I will try to go back in time and remove it yesterday.

1950s/pre-Beatles bent 9
200 Cigarettes 134
2001: A Space Odyssey 20
21 Jump Street 34
3:00 A.M. 41
34th Street 26
40-Year-Old-Virgin, The 176
Abbott & Costello on Bath Salts 175
ABC 154 155
Abrams books/Abrams Press 64 167 278
Academy Award 122
According to Jim 4
Actor X 160
Actual Book 270
Actual Comedy 122
Actual Parties 23
Actual Screenwriter 151
Adam McKay 147 197 232 277
Adam Resnick 277
Adam Sandler 232 233 234
Adam Sandler’s production company/office 232 234
Adam-Sandler type comedy 232
Adaptation 229
Aero Smith 170
Aerosmith 170 171 172
Aerosmith guitarist 170
After the Gold Rush 122
Ahmad Kahn Rahami 233
Aimee Mann 181 188 189 195
Aimee Mann videos 195
Aimee Mann’s song 195
Air America personalities 256
Al Gore 256
Al Lewis 93
Al Roker 24 255
Al Roker’s life 256
Al Sharpton 106 107
Alan Alda 175
Alan Aldo 175
Alan Arkin 175
Alan Narkin 175
Alanis Morissette 77
Alanna Santini 278
Alannah Currie 64
Albert Brooks 109 120
Alec Baldwin 81
Alexa, the 21
Algebra 38
Alias 148
Alice (sitcom) 105 106
All Star (song) 230
Allen Iverson’s tattoos 141
Alvin and the Chipmunks 149
Amagansett 21
America 14 110 122 133 154
America, Death of 255
America, youth of 141
American Dream 122
American indie-noise bands 119
American Pie 107
American Top Forty 179
American version 176
American workforce, the 49
Americans 167
America’s Jean-Luc Godard 137
America’s leading comedy basketball troupe 140
Amway salespeople 151
Amy Gottschalk 278
Amy Poehler 146 232
And Justice For All 218
Andrew Weinberg 278
Andy Breckman 109 153 154 155 277
Andy Breckman’s possession (of Tom’s script) 154
Andy Kaufman 59 138
Andy Richter 147
Andy Warhol’s Factory 2
Animal, The 133
Anna Gebbie 132 136 139 278
Annalea Manalili 278
Anti-Christ (movie) 218
anti-Italian 110
anti-Mischief Night 49
Antoine Walker 135 136
Antz 199
AP Mike (Lisk) 70 186 241 256 278
Arcade Owner (Eight on the Break) 204
Are u ok? 3
Arnold (from Diff’rent Strokes) 99
Artie (Larry Sander’s producer) 107
Asbury Park 210
ASSSCAT 146 151
ASSSCAT shows 147
Asteroids 33
Atlantic City 217 218
Atlantic Ocean, the 75 270
Aug 2011 75
August heat 84
Australian band 259
Australian nihilism 260
Autozone, assistant manager of an 119
Avalanche Bob 177 178
Avalanche Bob’s enthusiasm 177
Avalanche Bob’s songs 177
AWOL 160
Babylon A. D. 199
Back to School 88
Backdraft 113
Bad Company 202
Bad Kid 56
Baked Ziti Jones 174
Baltimora 64
Banned for Life list/machine/status 202 203 205
Barack Obama 257 258
Barack Obama placemat 257
Barack Obama’s face 257
Barry Bostwick 44
Barry Dworkin 169
Batman, dial tone 40 41
Battleship Potemkin 24
Bayonne 241
Beach Boys outtakes 105
Beacon Theatre 11
Beatles album 92
Beatles loot 78
Beatles, The 92 108 120
Because the Night 4
Beetlejuice, waiting room in 262
Bell House, The 69
Ben Affleck 34
Ben Gbbard 277
Bennie Safdie 278
Berlin Wall, the 113
Bernie Mac 159
Bert Schneider 78
Best Buy dumpster 77
Best Show archivist 184
Best Show joke 225
Best Show listener(s)/supporters 269 278
Best Show lore 69
Best Show mainstays 258
Best Show on WFMU, The 16 149 165 186 187 191 237 238 241 256
Best Show producers/staff 70 241
Best Show puzzle, the 241
Best Show, The 4 8 14 16 48 83 100 145 149 151
166 167 168 169 173 177 178 179 181 182
185 186 188 189 201 220 223 231 238 239
240 241 245 247 256 273 278
Best Show, the first two years of The 193
Betamax 55
Beyonce 174
Big Star radio session 106
Bill (diner owner) 37
Bill (Pier Platters owner) 96
Bill Bradley 59
Bill Clinton 113 257
Billboard Hot 100 243
Bill’s house (high school friend) 93
Billy (pinball high score) 210
Billy Crystal 100 101
Billy Joel 19 20 21 22 23 27 28 140
Billy Joel concert/show 64 143 268
Billy Joel fan 23
Billy Joel story 64
Billy Joel Sucks Productions 21
Billy Joel-heads 26
Billy Joel’s answer to punk 23
Billy Joel’s coffee table 21
Billy Joel’s most recent album at the time 27
Billy Joel’s music 22
Billy Joel’s tired feet 21
Bing 84
Bitsy von Muffling 72
BJ 253
Blabbermouth 149
Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots 175
Black Flag 172 237
BlacKKKlansman 138
Blade Runner 139
Blair Witch Project, The 230
Blarnes & Blowble 2 3
Blueprint, The 186
Bob Bogle, Jr. 169
Bob Cribbie 178
Bob Dylan 109
Bob Odenkirk 230
Bob Rafelson 78 82
Bobby Blotzer 225
Bobby Joe (Liam’s invisible friend) 170
Bon Jovi 143
Bonnie and Clyde, co-writer of 151
Boogie Nights 149
Borat 77
Borbetomagus 116
Boston Celtics, The 135
Brad (Rocky Horror character) 42 43 44
Brain Salad Surgery 111
Brainy Burough, the 205
Brendan Byrne Arena 9
Brendan McDonald 240 241 277
Brett Boham 278
Brett Davis 258 278
Brian McCann 147
Brian Turner 148
British, being (earned MBV more cachet) 119
Broadway Video security goons 168
Brooklyn 69
Brooklyn Nets 22
Brooklyn Street 196
Bruce Hornsby 120
Bruce Springsteen 110 260
Bruce Springsteen, Reign of 51
Bruce Willis 91
Buddy Holly 9
Bugs Bunny 47 109 110
Bug’s Life, A 199
Buried Alive 169
Burnout 261
Bush bumper sticker 257
Butthole Surfers’ July 4, 1986 show 105
C.H.U.D. 215
C-3P0 162
Cabaret Voltaire 51
Cable Guy, The 234
Caddyshack 46
Calendars and Candy Bars 250
California 142
Camaro(s) 24 54
Candace Mills 278
Candyland 201
Captain Jack (show caller) 173
Captain Jack (song) 20
Captain Lou Albano 110
Carl Newman 189
Carmen Electra 135
Carol (misremembered actor) 176
Carrel (misremembered actor) 176
Carrie (movie remake) 200
Carrie Bradshaw 72
Carrie Fisher 61 63
Carroll O’Connor 175 176 177
Carroll Stevens 176
Casey Kasem 179
Cash Cab 7
Cash Out button 72
Cat in the Hat hats 136
Cat Stevens 176
Catherine Zeta-Jones 174
Catholic boy 108
Catholic interloper 109
CBGB 263
CD filled with rare songs (typical WFMU swag) 188
CD player 91 246
CD(s) 171 261
Celebrity Apprentice, The 257
Celebrity Buried Alive 169
Central New Jersey cruising community 253
Chapel Hill, North Carolina 118 120
Chariots of the Gods 244
Charles Kenney 279
Charlie (family member) 279
Charlie Kaufman 229
Charlie, fly-by-night 151
Charlotte (Sex in the City character) 72
Charlottesville, Virginia 101
Cheap Trick 97
Chelsea Piers 140
Chemical Imbalance 98
Chicago 1 69
Child’s Play movies 174
Chinatown 207
Chris (bullied classmate) 36
Chris Christie 75
Chris Cooper 278
Chris Elliott sitcom 119
Chris Gethard 277
Chris Tomson 278
Christ, love of 88
Christmas (Day/Eve/morning) 58 70 105 121 129
Christmas bounty 129
Christmas wish 70
Christopher Hermelin 269 270 278
Christopher Reeve 152
Chuck (original Superchunk drummer) 119
Chuck Lorre 21
Chuck Lorre sitcom 267
Chuck Norris’s sloppy seconds 160
Chuck Woolery 149
Chucky (movie character) 174
Church of Scientology, former member of the 190
Circle Jerks 172
Civil War (high school project) 46 47
Claire Evans 277
Clare O’Kane 259 277
Clash The 149
Clean, The 97
Cleveland Cavaliers 238
Clive Davis 171
Coca-Cola, NOT 182
Coco Hames 189
Coke, a can of 49
Collateral 7
Colleen Haskell 133
College Man, a 89
Color Me Badd 113
Comic Relief 100
Complex, The 190
Conflict 98 99
Cornel West lecture 87
Cory Booker 189
Cosmo Kramer 68
COVID-19 235
Cowardly Lion card 217
Cows 7″ (record) 96
Creedence Clearwater Revival 260
Creem 8
Crime Share 226
Crime Solver Deliverer, The 226
Crime to Make the Donuts 226
Crosby, Stills & Nash 122
Crowded House, bassist from 90
Crumb brother who drew smaller and smaller illustrations 98
Crybaby Gene 28
Cub Scout 64
Cyndi Lauper 165
D.C. Cab 7
Dad 24
Dad (from Lou Reed song) 61
Dan Bejar 196 278
Dan Clowes books 77
Danny Pintauro 233
Daredevil 32
Darth Vader 16
Das Damen 97
Datsun B210 91
Dave (classmate) 23 28
Dave Buckner 140 142
Dave Chappelle 130 134
Dave Matthews 94
Dave Wyndorf 278
David (common name) 108
David Bowie 121
David Bowie’s impressive “release a music video that I die in and then actually die two days later” magic trick 265
David Cross 230
David Garcia 277
David Letterman 31 60 153 273
David Newman 151 152 153
David O’Reilly 277
Davy Jones 79 80
Day Tripper 84 86
Daydream Nation 95
Dazed and Confused, cast of 34
DC superhero 174
Dead Milkmen, The 70 71
Deadhead 241
Death Cab for Cutie 188
Death Star slam ball 3
Deb Wood 278
Debbie, where’s 174
December 17, 2013 237
December 17, 2014 242
December 2013 191
December 24 129
December, middle of 57
Deep Purple 173
Defeated American Worker 53
Defender machine 209
Dell 84
Dennis Kim 278
Depeche Mode 51
Despacito 3
Destroyer video 196
Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo 133
Devin Grosz 278
Diet Coke 133
Diet Dr Pepper 252
Difficult People 83
Diff’rent Strokes 99
Diff’rent Strokes child molester episode 99
Dig Dug machine 205
Dino (of the New Monkees) 78
Dinosaur Jr. tapes 106
Dire Straits 225
Dirk Diggler 149
Dirk Nowitski 135
Dirtbombs, The 258
Disney World 148
DIY spirit 79
DIY/DIY rules 239 240
DJ Khaled 2
DJ(s) 91 93 116 117 178 190
DNA 28 201
Don Corleone 110
Don Fleming 277
Don Imus 92 93
Don Imus’s show 93
Don McLean of Comedy 107
Donald (high school bully) 32 33
Donald Trump 257 258 259 263 264
Donald Trump’s family 258
Doors, The 225
Dorian Devins 151 152
Dorothy card 217
Dorothy Parker bon mots 40
Down Under 243
Downeaster Alexa 21
Dr Pepper(s) 92 209
Dr Seuss area 136
Dr. Frank N. Furter 42
Dr. Mary Laney 277
Dream Weaver 92
Dresser, The 120
Droopy dog 174
Dudley (from Diff’rent Strokes) 99
Dungeons & Dragons 33
Dunkin’ Donuts 40
Dunkirk 213
Duped 3
Duran Duran 225
DVD 188
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson 228 229
E.T. the Extraterrestrial 226
East Coast expansion 239
East Rutherford, New Jersey 9
Easter 5
Eating It 130
Ebony and Ivory 243
Eckhart Tolle 107
ECT/ECT treatment(s) 60 61 63 64 265 268 270 272 273
Eddie (movie) 22
Eddie Murphy 153
Edward K. (pinball high score) 210
Edward’s house (high school friend) 39
Eight on the Break 202 203 204
Eighteen Wheeler 98 99 101 111 119
Electric Light Orchestra 92
Elton John 181
Emerson, Lake & Palmer 111
Emerson, Lake & Palmer album/record 31 37
Emma Healy 277
Emmys for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series 155
Empire State Building 24
Empire Strikes Back, The 243
EMTs 195
Ender’s Game 199
England, palace in 179
English teacher, the (peeking at student essays) 38
EP 94
Eric McCormick 159
Erick von Daniken’s “aliens have been visiting Earth for thousands of years” epic 244
Etsy 204
Everybody Loves Raymond 159
Exit 14A-C extension 260
Ezra Koening 278
Faces, The 7
Family Ties 84
Fargo 54
Faux Mob Dad/Faux Mob Dad’s quest 218 219
FBI 226
FCC 93 168 169
FCC Freedom Rally 93
FCC limitations 168
FCC rules 179
February 130
Feel Like Making Love 46
Fight Club 199
Fillmore shows 6
Fillmore, the 4
FitzRandolph Gate 88 89
Five Easy Pieces 82
Fixx, The 9
Flash, The 174
Fleshlight 126
Flo Jo 35
Florida sun 136
Fly Away Home 218
Fly Like an Eagle 246
Flyin V 154 228
Foghat 114
Follow the Yellow Brick Road 216 219
Fonzie 4
Fonzies, future (future Fonzies) 57
Forced Exposure 98
Four Seasons song 27
Fox News 244
Francis Ford Coppola 110
Frank Zappa 79
Frankie Goes to Hollywood 31
Frank’s Soda 69
Fred Astaire’s feet 33
Fred Kerber 138
French Toast Crunch 258
Fribble 205
Friday – Monday 184
Friday night(s) 5 42
Friday, opening (of Private Parts) 94
Friendly’s (ice cream shop) 205 206
Friends 159
Friends of Tom 14
Frosted Mini-Wheats, fried box of 215
Fruit Roll-Up 268
Full Metal Jacket 213
Funny People 200
Gabby Fisher 278
Gail Bennington 277
Galaga machine 203
Galaxie 500 116
Garden State 14 51 75 110 259
Garden State Arts Center, The 80
Garrett McGrath 278
Garrison Keillor 268
Gary Puckett & the Union Gap 80
Gary Schandling 106 107
Gary the Squirrel 71 239
Gas Station Dogs 169
Gene Simmons 1 169
George Harrison 41
George Harrison’s voice 41
George Karl 182
George W. Bush 256
George Washington Bridge, The 241
Gerard Cosloy 98 99 277
Get a Life 119
Get Hard 200
GHOUL-ee-ah-no 104
Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie 237
Gladiator, trailer for the movie of 255
Glass Houses 23
Glenn (bully’s father) 40
God 77
God is punishing you business 75
God, grace of 181
God’s Green Herb 249
Going to Pieces without Falling Apart 3
Gold Strike machine 210 211 213
Goldmine 105
Gone in Sixty Seconds 199
Goner Records 6
Gonerfest 6
Good Reasons for Bad Feelings 3
Google search 253
Gordon Jump 99
GPA 89
Grandpa Hoops (Tom’s hypothetical TV show) 21
Grandpa Munster 93
Grass Roots, The 80
Greased Lightning 34
Great American Novel 152
Greatest, the (Ali) 149
Greatest, the (in the arts) 95
Greek grill jockey 37
Greg Kinnear 176
Greg Universe 269
Greg Universe’s lines 270
Grown Ups 1 197
Grown Ups 2 197
Grown Ups 3/Grown Ups 3 moment 196 197 232 234
Grubhub-type delivery person 226
Guardians of the Galaxy pinball machine 203
Guitar Center 150
Gummo 202
Guns N’ Roses 119
Hack 7
Hale-Bopp comet cult 60
Hall of Fame snooze 268
Hall of Fame-level snub 81
Halley’s Comet of education 54
Halloween 49
Hamburger Hill 213
Hamilton Apartments, the 32
Han Solo frozen in carbonite yoga mat 3
Hangover Part II, The 200
Hangover Part III, The 200
Hannukah 109
Hanson 121
Happy Gilmore 117
Happy Madison (production company) 232 235
Harlem Globetrotters, the 140 141
Harvard graduates 151 244
Harvard windbag 244
Hawaiian shirt-wearing jerkoffs 85
Hayes Davenport 277
Head 82
Headquarters 79
Heart and Soul 126
Hefty bag 269
Herb Williams 81
Hershey’s bar 257
Hey Jude 3
High Fidelity fantasy 125
High School Student’s Janitor Society 38
Hillary Clinton 257 263
Hoboken 95
Hoboken train station 95
Hollywood alphas 228
Hollywood movies 113
Hollywood studio 154
Home Grease Cookers magazine 216
Homestead 98
Honda Civic 261 262
Hootie 121
Horatio Sanz 147 232 233
Horation Sanz’s idea 232
Horation Sanz’s management 232
Hot Rod T-shirts 168
House of Tom Scharpling 76
Houston Street 23
How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me 2
how NOT to guide 183
Howard Eisley 137
Howard Stern 93 94 109
Howard Stern’s “indecent” broadcast content 93
Hudson River 140
Huffington Post, The 257
Hulk Hogan 225 226 227
Humble Pie 7
Hummel figurines 221
Hungary, post-WWII 211
Hurricane Irene 75 76 78
Hurricane Sandy 75
Husker Du 31
Ian Roberts 146
Ice Cube 135
ID, fake 202
IKEA 246
I’m a Believer 79
Imus in the Morning 92
In the Army Now 213
In Your FACE Basketball Magazine 134
Indiana Jones movie 32
Indiana Jones, musical equivalent 96
Innocent Man, An 27
Inside Stuff 134
Internet, the 127 183 240
Interstate 78 250
Invisible Gorilla, The 3
It Never Ends 1 2 3 8 10 217 267
It Never Ends Until It Ends 274
Italian 109 110
Italian culture 110
Italian food 110
Italian Kenny Rogers-type 126
Italian pride 110
Italian restaurant(s) 110 250
Italian roots 110
Italian villaggio 244
Italians 110
It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me 23
IV (intravenous) 48
Jabba the Hutt’s house band 243
Jack Giarraputo 232 233 234
Jack Nicholson 82
Jack Ramsay’s dinner 139
Jacoby Shaddix 140 142
Jacques Tati film 121
Jake Fogelnest 277
Jamba Juice 91
James Cagney impression 82
James Naismith 140
James Robertello 277
Janet (Rocky Horror character) 42
Janet Jackson T-shirt 268
January(s) 188 250
January, first of 250
Japantown 4
Jared (of the New Monkees) 78
Jason “Dudio” Gore 70 186 240 256 278
Jason Stern 277
Jason Woliner 197 278
Jay Jay French 35
Jay-Z 186
Jazz Man performance 100
Jeanie (wrong-named actress) 176
Jeanie Collette 176
Jeff (friend in Pier Platters story) 97
Jeff Feuerzeig 278
Jeff T. Owens 278
Jeff the Demon 228
Jeffy Van Voorst 268
Jemaine Clement 278
Jennifer Garner 148
Jennifer Lawrence 156 157
Jennifer Lopez 174
Jenny from the Bedroom 174
Jerry Horton 140
Jerry Lundegaard 54
Jerry Minor 147
Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment door 68
Jersey boardwalk guy 215
Jersey City 166 185 241 257
Jersey City, studio in 185
Jersey City’s worst diners 240
Jersey Shore 51 215
Jersey Shore boardwalks 215
Jersey Shore guy 217
Jersey trash 243
Jersey-based topics 183
Jesse Thorn 278
Jesus Christ 70
Jesus Jones 113
Jewel 121
Jewish 108 109
Jewish comedian 109
JFK of the coin pushers 221
Jill Giuliano 49 279
Jim (World of Music owner) 126 127 128 129 130 131 226
Jim Beam 140 141 142
Jim Beam representative 140
Jim Beam’s media team 140
Jim Belushi 4 227
Jim Carrey 234
Jim Ehrich 278
Jim McIlvaine 131 132
Jim McIlvaine article 132
Jim Morrison 224 225
Jim Romeo 278
Jimmy Buffett song 127
Jimmy Crespo 170 171 172 173
Jimmy Fallon 134
Jim’s tone (World of Music owner) 128
Jo Firestone 277
Joan Rivers 109
Joe Leeway 64
Joe Perry 170
Joe Rogan’s podcast/website 3
Joe Ventura 130 134 154 227 228 230 277
John (common name) 108
John (Tom’s middle name) 108
John Coltrane 88
John Darnielle 278
John Duignan 190
John Hodgman 95 189 277
John Kerry 256
John Oates-type performer 230
John Oliver 238 278
John Starks 94
John Stockton 208
John Telenko 278
John Travolta 91
John Travolta’s crew in Grease 34
John Wesley Shipp 174
John Woo 113
Johnny (fictional brother for prank call) 204
Johnny Cash autobiography 244
Joker, dial tone 41
Jon Daly 277
Jon Glaser 147 232
Jon Wurster 4 5 8 68 69 71 118 119 120 121
122 123 146 147 148 149 150 165 168 169
170 171 172 173 179 181 184 185 186 188
230 237 242 256 258 278
JOOL-ee-AH-no 104
Josh Safdie 278
Joust 202
Judaism 109
Judas Priest tape(s) 53 55
Judd Apatow 234
Judd Apatow doppelganger 234
Julia Vickerman 279
Julianna (family member) 279
Julie Klausner 83 278
July 1 250
June 63 126
June 2018 272
June morning 132 208
Jurassic Park 113
Just Shoot Me! Spec script 145
Just the Way You Are 27
Justin Bieber 3
Kansas (prog group) 121
Karn Evil 9: 1st Impression, Part 1 111
Katherine Telenko 278
Katz’s Deli 23 24
Keith (classmate) 23
Keith Travers 72
Kelsey Grammar 148 269
Ken Doll Syndrome 38
Kenny (high school bully) 32 33 34
Kesha 196
Kevin Costner 230
Kevin Dorff 147
Kevin Garnett’s wild declaration 213
Kevin Hart 200
Kevin Smith jorts 273
Keys, The 2
Kid Rock 220
Kill Your Sons 60
Kim Lew 278
King Crimson 150
King Crimson guitarist 150
King Crimson T-shirt 150
King of Marvin Gardens 82
Kingpin 32
Kirsten Dunst 134
Kiss bassist 1
Kit Kat bars 87
Kitty Dukakis 61
Klansman 138
Knicks training camp 136
K-Rock 93
Kung Fu Panda 3 181
Kurt Vile 70 278
L (sign for loser on forehead) 207
L formation 246
La Bamba 9
Labrador 195
Lacey Underall’s scene 46
Lady Fortune 94
Lady Wainsworth’s Desires 169
Lana del Rey 88
Landing on Water 121
Lapti Nek 243
Larry (of the New Monkees) 78
Larry David 159
Larry Sanders box set 107
Larry Sanders comedy 107
Larry Sanders question 107
Larry Sanders Show, The 106 234
Lars von Trier 67
Last Resort 139
Last Train to Clarksville 79
Late Night with Conan O’Brien 60 273
Laugh It Up 149
Laughing Hyenas show 115
Laurie Anderson 278
LCD Soundsystem 251
Leah Severson 278
LeAnn Rimes 121
Learning to Talk Screenwriterese (And Other Tips) 152
LeBron James 238
Led Zeppelin 7 53 186
Lenin, left of 257
Let Me Not Be Mad 3
LGBTQ representation 270
Liam (child caller) 170
Liberty DeVitto 27
Lilys, The 119
Linda McCartney 188
Lisa Jane Persky 278
Little Killers, The 258
Little Miss Sunshine 174 175 176 177
Little Rascals 260
Long Island 21
Long Island house 22
Look Who’s Talking 91
Lords of Flatbush reboot 130
Lorne Michaels 168 195
Los Angeles 44 69 232
Los Angeles-based podcast network 239
Lost at Sea 3
Lou Barlow 99
Lou Reed 60 61 79 109
Love Child 96
LP 51
Luna Lounge 130
Lynn Shelton 278
M&M cookie 73
M&M’s 87
M&M’s World/store 25 141
M.A.S.H. 175
Ma$e 189
Mac (child caller) 170 171 172 173
Mac (of Superchunk) 119
Mad Magazine-style nicknames 174
Madison Square Garden 19 23 26 27 28 142 143
Madison Square Garden doors 24
Madness 122
Madonna 110
Mal Ward 278
Man from U.N.C.L.E., star of the 60’s show 183
Man in Black 244
Man, the 94
Manhattan 24 152 219 260
Manhattan apartment 152
Manhattan, lower 99 119 130
Manhattan, streets of 85
Marc D. (pinball high score) 210
Marc Maron 131 278
Marc Maron, pre-WTF 130
Marc Marrie 278
March 188
Marcia Neumeier 278
Mariah Carey 98
Marilyn Rice 64
Mark Proksch 278
Marky Ramone 169
Marshall Crenshaw 9 10 16
Marshall Crenshaw’s autograph 9
Martha Kelly 278
Martha Stewart 81
Martin Celis 241 278
Martin Scorsese 110
Marty (of the New Monkees) 78
Marvel 41
Mary Houlihan 278
Mary J. Blige 121
Mary Lattimore 278
Mary Tyler Moore Show, The 20
Mascot 157
Matador 98
Matt Aselton 278
Matt Berry 278
Matt Besser 147
Matt Fraction 278
Matt LeBlanc 159
Matt Walsh 146
Matthew Tompkins 169
Maxwell’s 114 115
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone 2
Maytag repairman, actor who played the 99
MC Hammer video 196
McDonald’s parking lot 24 40
McDonald’s, window of the 24
MDC 172
Mel Sharples 105 106
Mel Sharples Era 105
Memphis 6
Memphis taxi 6
Metuchen, New Jersey 205
Miami Vice porn parody 81
Michael (common name) 108
Michael Bellino 278
Michael Jordan 94 136 137 201 225
Michael Jordan’s shot 131
Michael Jordan’s success 94
Michael Koman 278
Michael Stipe 9
Michelle Mae 278
Michelob 28
Mick Box 225
Mick Mars 225
Mick Nick Pick Mick Nick 225
Micky Dolenz 79 80 81 82 83 85
Micky Dolenz’s eyes 82
mid-December performance 69
Middlesex County College 88 89 90 211 233
Middlesex County College, student at 111
Middlesex County College’s radio station 91
Middlesex High 32
Midtown Manhattan 24 84 86 168 269
Midtown Manhattan bookstore 1
Midwest 184
Mighty Mighty Bosstones, the 14
Mike Love 80
Mike Nesmith 79 80 81
Miles Davis 165
Miles Davis album/CD 178 186
Miles Davis, devotee of 165
Mindy Tucker 278
Minion (coin pusher prize) 221
Miranda (Sex in the City character) 72
Mischief Night 49 57
Mitch Smelkinson 278
Moby Worm 93
Mom (from Lou Reed song) 61
Monday night 130
Monk 15 81 109 139 145 155 156 157 158 159
161 162 173 228
Monk fans 162
Monk logo 162
Monk pilot script 155
Monkees album 80
Monkees obsessive 83
Monkees show 82
Monkees, The 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85
Monk’s assistant 157
Motley Crue 225
Mounds bar 26
Moves (music video) 195
Mr. Big 72
Mr. Entertainment 117
Mr. Morris 53 54 55
Mr. Morris’s collapse 54
Mr. Show 224
Mr. T 24
MRI 179
Mrs. King 37
Ms. Pac-Man 209
MTV 78 79 83 95 119 130 131 140
MTV Movie Awards campaign 134
MTV promo commercials 156
MTV studios 119
MTV veejay 119
MTV-produced film 134
Muhammad Ali 149
Murmur 9
My Bloody Valentine 118 119
My Dinner with Andre 202
My Heart Will Go On 127
Myyyah 82 83
Nassau Street, gated entranceway on 88
Nathan Fielder 278
NBA 22 32 94 136 139
NBA All-Star 94
NBA championships 142
NBA coach, former 182
NBA Fasion Show 135
NBA flack 135
NBA journeyman 131
NBA players 135
NBA publicity person 135
NBA rep 136
NBA-sanctioned magazines 134
Neil Mahoney 278
Neil Young 121 122
Neopolitan horror movie host 104
Nevermind 114
New Brunswick 23 29 115
New Hampshire 197
New Jersey 14 15 27 51 75 76 95 110 113 115
120 125 160 250 251 257 259
New Jersey boy 99
New Jersey Interstate 78 scenic overlook 253
New Jersey Ivy League 88
New Jersey kids 55
New Jersey Nets game 138
New Jersey roots 130
New Jersey Shoreline 222
New Jersey sun 209
New Jersey Transit train 23
New Jersey turnpike 73 111 259 260 275
New Jersey, PROUD to be 182
New Jersey, suburban 154
New Jersey, writer’s room in 159
New Jersey/NYC pizzeria 244
New Jerseyan(s) 23 90 183
New Jersey-based engineer 240
New Monkees audition(s) 78 85
New Monkees material 85
New Monkees, The 66 67 75 78 83 84 85 86 103 220
New Pornographers 195
New Year 58 250
New Year’s day positivity ritual 252
New Year’s resolution lists 251
New York 24
New York City 14 22 23 24 25 26 84 93 99 106
118 140 146 260
New York City area 166
New York City audience 130
New York City comedy show 130
New York City indie music scene 97
New York City shit-stirrer 106
New York City -based studio 239
New York City comedy scene 146
New York City heat wave 195
New York City, attorney general of 104
New York City, guy from 105
New York City, mayor of 108
New York City’s production 42
New York Knicks 59 81 142
New York Knicks’ home court 142
New York Knicks jacket 59
New York Knicks legend 142
New York Knicks star 59
New York Post, beat guy for the 138
New York sports pages 137
New York Times 152 172
New York, NOT 182
New York/New Jersey bombings 233
New Yorker, any 3
New Yorkers 24
New Yorker-style comic 58
Newark airport 259
Newark-to-L.A. flight 267
Nice Memories 77
Nice People in Show-biz (As Well As in Real Life) 157
Nick Cave 11
Nick Cave concert 11
Nick di Paolo 130 132
Nick Hogan 225
Nick Rhodes 225
Nick Thorburn 277
Nicolas Cage’s onscreen portrayal 229
Nicole Lawrence 278
Nike commercials 137
Nirvana 114
Nissan 90
NJ 101.5 182
No Doubt 121
non-Jerseyans 259
non-Scharpling & Wurster parts 166
November 257
NPR tote bag 188
Nugget (magazine) 129
Nyquil-fueled version 82
NYU 232
O’Connor family 177
October 237 266
October 10, 2000 149
October 2000 256
October 2012 75
Octopus’s Garden 92
Officer Albertson 40
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou 81
Ohio 258
Ohio districts 256
OK Go 194
OK Go song 194
OK Go video 194
OK Go-style video 194
Old Ways 121
Olivia Newton-John 92
Onion staff 225
Onion, The 224 225
Operation Sneak Jersey Douchebags onto the Garden Floor 28
Oreos 212
Oreos, fried 215
Oreos, sleeve of 212
Orlando 135
Orlando Magic, The 135
Orlando sun 136
OT VIII (Scientology level) 190
Other, the (description of the social status of Jewish artists) 109
Outback Steakhouse 211
Over the Edge 56
P. Diddy 174
P. Dimwit 174
PA 80
Pacifier, The 199
Pac-Man 8
Palm Springs desert 166
Panama hat 82
Panera Bread 88
Pangaea 178
Papa Don’t Preach 84
Papa Roach 125 139 140 141 142
Passion of the Tom, The 67
Pat Byrne 70 186 241 256 278
Patti Smith 4 5 6 7 8 11
Patti Smith elevator story 8 267
Patton Oswalt 188 189 197 277
Paul (Tom’s confimation name) 108
Paul F. Tompkins 188
Paul McCartney 41 188
Paul Pierce 135 136
Paul Reiser’s ancestors 14
Paul Scheer 278
Paul Simon 194 195 249
Paul Simon moments 193
Paul Simon music video 193
Paul Simon pitch 196
Paul Simon video 249
Paul Simon’s manager 195
Paul Thomas Anderson movie 267
Pavement 96 118 119
PBS-style fundraiser variety show 189
Peanut Acres 201
Peanut Chews 69
Peanut Chews, miniature 70
Peanut M&M’s 133 134 186
Pee-wee Herman 238
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure 166 238
Pen Wars 39
Penn Medicine Princeton Medical Center, The 271
Penn Station 23 28
Pennsylvania 259
Penny Lane 278
Penthouse 3
Pepsi-Cola, NOT 182
Peter Cushing 37
Peter Frampton 7
Peter Pan 80
Peter Tork 79 80 81 84
Petey (child caller) 170
Petsmart 2
Peyton Reed 197 278
Phil Morrison 230 277
Philadelphia 4 15 69 70 71
Philadelphia debut 69
Philadelphia goon 71
Philadelphia impact, max 70
Philadelphia night 70 71
Philadelphia punk legends 70
Philadelphia, NOT 182
Philly Boy Roy Ziegler 4 69 70 71 258
Pick Withers 225
Pier Platters 95 96 97
Pier Platters staff 97
Pizza Man 245
Platters, The 175
Pleasant Valley Sunday 82
Pop-Tarts 91 215
Portland 69
post-ECT life 114
Pre-Fab Four 78
Prefontaine 210
pre-Internet age/era 98 147
Princeton Board of Tourism 88
Princeton Creeper, the 88
Princeton graduate 59
Princeton House Behavioral Health 60 271 272
Princeton material 10
Princeton mental institution 59
Princeton Record Exchange 87 88
Princeton students 9
Princeton University 9 59 62 87 88 89
Princeton University admissions department 10
Princeton University, student of 88
Princeton, New Jersey 87
Private Parts 93 94
Professional Funny Person 145
Psychology Section 2
Puff Daddy 120
Puloma Basu 196 277
Pumps and a Bump 196
Punch-Drunk Love 234
Punched in the Nuts 266
Punk Rock Girl 71
Purchase, New York 137
Purple Rain 3
Pussy Galore 95
Q&A bit/segment, audience 60 68 69
Q.bert machine 203
Quentin Tarantino 47
R, backward 211
R.E.M. 9
R2-D2 104
Rachel Dolezal 108
Rachel Dratch 147
Radio Free Europe 9
Ram (McCartney album) 188
Ramones, The 149
Ramrod 25
Rascal scooter 184
Raspberries, The 120
Ratt 81 225
Ray Manzarek 224 225
Ray Romano 159
RC COLA! 182
Real Estate (band) 195
Real Life (Albert Brooks movie) 120
Rebecca Sugar 269 277
Red Headed Stranger, the 156
Red Hot Chili Peppers, The 94
Reece’s Pieces 227
Return of the Jedi 243
Reverend Billy Sol Hargus 93
Richard Kern 113
Richie Riches 126
Rick Nielsen 97
Rick Pitino 135
Rick Springfield 9
Ricky Jervis 176
Riddler, dial tone 41
Ride Along 200
Riff Raff 42
Rihanna 233
Ringo specials 92
RIP (Garry Shandling) 107
Ritz, the (Austin) 105
Ritz, the (NYC) 90 118
Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski 1
Rob Hatch-Miller 196 277
Rob Meisch 184 278
Rob Schneider 133
Rob Schneider’s co-star 133
Rob Schneider’s follow-up 133
Rob Zombie 172
Robby Krieger 224 225
Robert Biegler 277
Robert De Niro 110
Robert Fripp 150
Robert Loggia 5
Robert Smith 51
Robert Vaughn 183
Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy 202
Rock School 230 231
Rock, Rot & Rule 120 147 148 224
Rockabilly Yodel 178
Rocky 13 69 71
Rocky Horror phenomenon 41
Rocky Horror Picture Show, The 41
Rocky Horror screening 42
Rocky Horror thing 42
Rocky Horror zinger 42
Rocky movies 212
Rocky V 71
Rocky-loving meathead 4
Rodney Dangerfield 109 265
Rodney-Dangerfield-esque slob 88
Roland “the Gorch” Gorchnik 4 169 184
Rolling Stone 8
Ronald Thomas Clontle 120 121 122
Ronnie Bronstein 277
Ronny Daly 35 36 42 43
Rookie of the Year (movie) 22 117
Rosemary Carroll 278
Route 1 motel room 90
Rube Goldberg-type (setup for music video) 194
Rubik’s Cube 8
Rudy (movie) 13
Rudy Giuliani 104
Russell (math student) 38
Rust Never Sleeps 122
Rutger Hauer 139
Rutgers campus 56
Rutgers psychiatric facility 60
Rutgers University 55 56 208
Rutgers University food court 9
Sad Teen Manor 51
Sally Can’t Dance 60
Samantha (Sex in the City character) 72
Sammi Skolmoski 1 2 3 278
Sammy Davis, Jr. 84
San Francisco 4 69
San Francisco-based detective 154
Santa Claus 70 224
Sarah Masterson Hally 278
Sarah Sahim 278
Sarah Silverman 130
Satan 51 201
Saturday Night Live 153 167 194 232 233
Saturday nights 42
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant 21
Scharpling & Wurster 179 231
Scharpling & Wurster call(s) 184 237
Scharplings (none clogging up the radio/writing scene) 108
Scientists, The 259 260 261
Scorpions show 143
Scorpions, The 143 172
Screaming for Vengeance 54
SCTV 31 224
SCTV, taping 208
Seabiscuit 13
Sean Clements 277
Séance 174
Seaside Heights boardwalk 75 150 219 222
Seattle 69
Seattle SonicsShawn Kemp, Sonics All-Star 131
Secret Santa, my family’s 16 279
Seinfeld 68 96
September 89 126 250
September 2016 256
Sex and the City dream 72
Sex and the City slot machine 71 72 237 249
Sex and the City, theme from 72
SF Sketchfest Tribute to Scharpling & Wurster, A 4
Shaggs, The 121
Sharon Horgan 278
Sharpling 162
Shawshank Redemption, The 229
She Bop 165
Shift, The (from writer Tom to Best Show host Tom) 185
Shining, The 8
Shins, The 196
ShopRite 36
Shout! Network 169
Sicilian pie 245
Silverball Museum, The 210 211
SIR Studios 84 86
Sit, Ubu, sit 20
Six Flags 9
Skee-Ball machines 218
Sketchfest organizers, the 4
Skittles 253
Slam (magazine) 131 134
Slayer 172
Smash (MTV veejay) 119
Smash Mouth 230
Smile bootlegs 105
Sneetches, The 136
Snickers bars 92
Soldier of Fortune magazine 89
Someday, Someway 9
Son of Sam 24
Sonic Youth 95
Sonic Youth cassettes 106
Sopranos, The 75
Soundgarden 172
Soup Crotch 23
Soup Nazi episode 96
South Jersey 70
Spanish, book about learning 136
Sparks (band) 9
Spaulding Grey 68
Spider-man 38 100
Spike (show caller) 174 175 176 177
Spike Lee 137 138
Spin, The (song by The Scientists) 261
Star Trek trivia 189
Star Wars 162 243
Star Wars trilogy 243
Star Wars-related workout equipment 3
Starbucks 186
State Trooper 260
Staten Island 174
Staten Island accent 114
Stephen Colbert 176
Stephen Spielberg 226
Stephon Marbury 139
Steve (actor Spike can’t remember) 176
Steve Guttenberg movie trailer 237
Steve Marriott 7
Steve Miller Band, The 246
Steve Nash 135
Steve Richards 176
Steve Winwood 42
Steven Tyler 170
Steven Universe 269
Stockhausen 116
Stooges, The 7
Strangers with Candy 147
Street Business 25
Structure Sucker 249
Sub Pop labelmate 114
Subway 89
Suckdog show 115
Sue Giuliano 279
Sugarcube (Yo La Tengo song) 230
Summit, New Jersey 125
Sunday 146 172
Sunday afternoon 5 242
Sunday nights 118
Superchunk 118 119 120 147
Superman 239
Superman movie 152
Survivor (TV show) 133
Susan Sarandon 41
Susanne (Pier Platters employee) 96
SUV 253
Synecdoche, New York 22
Tad (band) 114
Tarriers, The (Alan Arkin’s early music band) 175
Tarzan Boy 64
Tatyana Ali 135
Tawana Brawley 106
Taxi (TV show) 7
Taxi Driver 7
Ted Leo 189
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists 195
Temptations song 27
Terminator 2 113
Terre T 114 115 116 120 125 146 149 154 215 258
261 263 264 274 279
Terre T’s show 115
Terre T’s story 146
The Best Show, Revenge of 237
The Munsters 93
The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming 175
This Too Shall Pass 194
Thom (variaton on Tom) 108
Thom Yorke 108
Thomas (variation on Tom) 108
Thomas Edison 108
Thomas Jefferson 108
Thomas Pynchon 108
Thomas Sweet’s 87
Thomas the Apostle 108
Thompson Twins 64 79
Thornton Melon 88
Throw Down the Rock 140
Throw Mama from the Train 262
Thursday 184
Thurston Moore 95
Til Tuesday video 195
Tim Blake Nelson 81
Tim Buckley 79
Tim Cronin 278
Tim Curry 41
Tim Heidecker 278
Time After Time 165
Times Square 24 25 141
Timmy von Trimble 169 184
Tin Man card 217
Tina Fey 147 232
Tina Turner 158
Tinker Bell 80
Tinker Bell duty 81
Tobin Esperance 140
Todd Abramson 278
Todd Barry 130
Todd Hanson 224
Tom Arnold 108
Tom Bailey 64
Tom Baker 108
Tom Brady 220
Tom Cruise 108
Tom Giuliano 104
Tom Giuliano II 104 106 181
Tom Green 108
Tom Hanks 83 108
Tom Holland 108
Tom Hollander 108
Tom Jones 108
Tom Petty 108
Tom Scharpling 10 11 13 14 15 38 40 43 72 88
89 101 103 104 105 107 108 111 115 118
121 122 134 140 142 143 148 162 170 171
175 176 177 180 181 190 201 202 203 204
208 214 221 231 255 265 272
Tom Scharpling fashion 131
Tom Scharpling Show, The 148
Tom Scharpling, Almost Death of 255
Tom Scharpling, birth of 103
Tom Scharpling, Good Old(er) 85
Tom Scharpling, New(er) 86
Tom Scharpling’s day 184
Tom Scharpling’s favorite movies 233
Tom Sharples 106
Tom Skerritt 108
Tom Tayback 105
Tom Time 149
Tom Waits 237
Tom Waits song 237
Tom Wopat 108
Tom, Heeeeeeeeeeeeello 174
Tommy (variation on Tom) 108
Tommy Chong 108
Tommy G (NJ 101.5 radio host) 182 183
Tommy G’s crap detector (NJ 101.5 radio host) 183
Tommy Lasorda 108
Tommy Lee 108
Tommy Lee Jones 108
Tommy Stinson 108
Tommy Wiseau 108
Toni Collette 176
Tony Manero 110
Tony Robbins 81
Tony Shalhoub 155 157 158 159
Tony Shalhoub’s back 157
Tony Shalhoub’s performance 162
Tool show 215
Top 40 radio station 91
Toronto 275
Toronto, (shitty) pizza in 71 273
Tostitos 156
Toto 219
TO-TO 218
Toto card(s) 216 217 218 219 221
Toto Rovers 217
Trans 121
Transporter 2 200
Transporter 3 200
Trauma of Everyday Life, The 2
Travis Bickle 99
Travis Bickle Jr. 25
Trix 258
TRON 209
Trump’s column (election returns) 259
T-shirt 156 216
T-shirt business 201 207
T-shirt shop/store 15 23
T-shirts 23 50 58 71 265
Tuesday 185 246
Tuesday night show 189
Tuesday nights 148
Tuesdays 185 256
TV 31 77 120 174 178
TV series 79
TV show(s) 145 154 156 226
TV shows in development 155
Twin/Tone Records 97
Twinkies, fried 215
Twisted Sister 35
Twitter 106
Twitter beef 107
Uber-type driver 226
UCB members, four core 146
UCB Theater 232
Ultimate Argument Settler, The 122
Unabomber-esque screeds 20
Uncle Floyd 244
Uncut Gems 234
Union Square chain bookstore 2
Union Transfer 69
United Nations building 272
United States 8 188
United States Open tennis tournament 81
Universal Studios 135 136
Unqualified Triumph status 253
Unrest 96
Upper West Side apartment building 165
Upright Citizens Brigade 146
Uriah Heep 225
USA Network 81 155 158
USB port 216
Utz Potato Chips 69
Van Halen logo screen, unlicensed 52 53
Van Halen mirrors 53
Velocity Girl 119
Ventures, the 169
Verona, New Jersey 241
Veronica’s Closet, supervising producer from 151
VHS copy 99
VHS tape(s) 99 113 273
Vic Tayback 106
Vice Squad 25
Vin Diesel movie 199
Vincent (Don McLean song) 107
Vinnie Barbarino 110
Vinny (lifetime ban from Eight on the Break) 203
Visigoths, the 14
Vitaly Potapenko 132
Voices Carry 195
Volcano Suns 116
Vo-Tech skills 33
VP of development, executive 229
WABC 91
Waldo’s dad 260
Walker, Texas Ranger reruns 155
Wall Street 125
Wall Street money 126
Wall Street trash 104
Walt “Clyde” Frazier 142
WarGames 200
Warner Brothers 229
Warren Beatty 228
Washington (DC) 225
Wawa 69 72 182
Wawa cheese hoagie 72
Wayne’s World baseball caps 113
Wednesday night(s) 120 209
Wednesday, 12:01 A.M. 182
Wednesday, rest of 183
Weekend Update 167
We’ve Been Too Patient 3
WFMU 114 116 123 146 149 151 185 187 188 190
191 238 239 241 242
WFMU audience 120 122
WFMU days 256 278
WFMU disc jockey(s) 150 178
WFMU DJs 149
WFMU fundraising marathon 187
WFMU fundraising target 189
WFMU program 187
WFMU radio host 153
WFMU studio 166
WFMU web stream 166
WFMU, program director at 148
WFMU’s financial existence 187
WFMU’s management 190
When Fate Deals Its Mortal Blow 261
White Castle hamburgers 262
Who Does Tom Look Like 233 234
Who Does Tom Look Like – the Celebrity Edition 233
Who’s the Boss 233
Wilco concert 215
Will Ferrell 200
William (classmate) 23 24 25 26 27 28 29
William (common name) 108
William Tyler 278
William’s pant leg (classmate) 26
William’s reaction (classmate) 26
William’s ticket (classmate) 26
Willie Nelson 156
Winston Churchill 265
Winter’s Bone 157
Wisconsin 224
Wizard of Oz coin pusher ground rules 216
Wizard of Oz game 219 220 221
Wizard of Oz, The 219
WKRP in Cincinnati, actor who played the program director of WKRP in Cincinnati 99
WMCC 91
WMCC listenership 91
WMCC, offices of 111
WMCC, show on 111
WNBC 93
Woody Allen 109
World of Music 125 131
Worst Version of Myself 215
WTF with Marc Maron 240
Xanadu soundtrack 92
Yngwie Malmsteen 79
Yo La Tengo 230
Yo La Tengo music video 230
You Are Now Less Dumb 3
You May Be Right 23
You’re Innocent When You Dream 237
YouTube 195
Youtube clips 85
Z100 91
Zimbabwe 178