Easy Come Easy Gaughin

Dolph Lundgren

You just, keep doing your thing, man. (Thanks to Homestarrunner for the perfect Dolph Lundgren blurb.)

Ten best roles: 10) Silent Runner 9) The Peacekeeper 8) Bridge of Dragons 7) Storm Catcher 6) Sweepers 5) Universal Soldier 4) I Come in Peace 3) Men of War 2) The Last Warrior 1) The Defender

Percentile rating: 75.28

Peak Period: 1999 – 2004

Neighborhood: Pedro Armendariz Jr, Edward Burns, Timothy Dalton, Peter Firth, Richard Jenkins, Nikolaj Lie Kass

Jason London

Nondescript young leading man, made a big splash for himself as one of the leads in Dazed and Confused, and has been coasting along ever since. Has an identical twin who’s been all over TV.

Ten best roles: 10) Serial Bomber 9) December 8) Broken Vessels 7) My Teacher’s Wife 6) Wasabi Tuna 5) The Man in the Moon 4) Out Cold 3) Wes Craven Presents Dracula II: Ascension 2) Jason and the Argonauts 1) Dazed and Confused

Percentile rating: 80.73

Peak Period: 1993 – 2000

Neighborhood: Gael Garcia Bernal, Christian Clavier, Beverly Garland, Salma Hayek, Rhys Ifans, Bruno Kirby

Josh Lucas

Lucas has been a sort of B-list sensation since appearing as Reece Witherspoon’s husband is Sweet Home Alabama. Has a good guy sheen, which allows him to be cast as the heroic coach in the basketball melodrama Glory Road, but also can play more disagreeable sorts. Probably gets a crack at a lot of the sort of parts that Tom Cruise turns down.

Ten best roles: 10) Poseidon 9) The Weight of Water 8) Sweet Home Alabama 7) Around the Bend 6) Stealth 5) Glory Road 4) Death in Love 3) Undertow 2) When Strangers Appear 1) True Blue

Percentile rating: 79.88

Peak Period: 2001 – 2005

Neighborhood: Robert Carradine, Robbie Coltrane, Jean-Claude Dreyfus, James Franco, Thom Hoffman, Justin Long

Elina Löwensohn

She’s a member of Hal Hartley’s informal repatory group, and the star of cult vampire favorite Nadja. I don’t know where she’s from, but she can turn on that stereotypical creepy gaunt Eastern European thing when she needs to; she’s a natural for the The Gypsy should they ever remake The Wolfman.

Ten best roles: 10) Fay Grim 9) Six Ways To Sunday 8) Immortality 7) Jane Doe 6) Le Silence De Rak 5) Mauvais Genre 4) Sombre 3) Simple Men 2) Nadja 1) Amateur

Percentile rating: 75.11

Peak Period: 1992 – 1997

Neighborhood: Joey Lauren Adams, Saffron Burrows, Timothy Dalton, Rosario Dawson, Richard Edson, Freddie Jones

Justin Long

He’s the Mac guy in Apple’s Mac vs PC campaign, which kind of sticks in my craw, because John Hodgman, who plays PC, is one of the coolest people walking the planet, which should undermine Apple’s campaign. Of course, PC’s still outsell Macs about 8 to 1, so maybe it is. I am curious as to whether Long’s high profile in such a prominent ad campaign is a boost or a hindrance to his chances in film; if so, he will probably ultimately wind up in a sitcom.

As an actor, he’s got a light comedic touch, whose splashiest role was as comic relief in the last Die Hard film. He’s also played leads in less well-known films, and seems destined to follow a career track similar to pre-action-hero Keanu Reeves, with a similar look and delivery style.

Ten best roles: 10) Serious Moonlight 9) Crossroads 8) Waiting 7) Dodgeball 6) The Sasquatch Gang 5) Live Free or Die Hard 4) Jeepers Creepers 3) Herbie: Fully Loaded 2) Accepted 1) Drag Me to Hell

Percentile rating: 79.88

Peak Period: 2006 – now

Neighborhood: Robby Benson, Robert Carradine, Robbie Coltrane, Jean-Claude Dreyfus, James Franco, Thom Hoffman

Nia Long

I think the only thing I have ever seen her in is Boyz n the Hood, and that was so long ago, and she would have had to have been so young that I honestly can’t place her. God apparently made her as the perfect companion to Ice Cube in his light-family-comedy mode, as she’s played that part a couple of times. On a personal note, she was a recurring character on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, a sitcom described by my son as “the best ever.”

Ten best roles: 10) Big Momma’s House 2 9) Are We Done Yet? 8) Alfie 7) Butter 6) Boiler Room 5) Boyz n the Hood 4) The Best Man 3) Friday 2) Soul Food 1) Love Jones

Percentile rating: 79.29

Peak Period: 1995 – 1999

Neighborhood: Josh Charles, Patrick Dempsey, Joseph Fiennes, Shirley Henderson, Sally Kirkland, Lisa Kudrow

John Lone

Stoic Chinese actor at the center of The Last Emperor, followed by a number of mostly minor roles, after which he apparently folded up shop and switched to a career as a semi-pop star in Asian markets. He’s recently started turning up in films again.

Ten Best Roles: 10) The Hunted 9) Echoes of Paradise 8) M Butterfly 7) The Shadow 6) Rush Hour 2 5) Year of the Dragon 4) Iceman 3) The Moderns 2) The Shadow of China 1) The Last Emperor

Percentile Rating: 79.03

Peak Period: 1985 – 1991

Neighborhood: Joss Ackland, Maria Conchita Alonso, Thora Birch, Gerard Darmon, Sally Kirkland, Swoosie Kurtz

Lindsay Lohan

For just a moment, try to remember that she’s a flesh and blood human, rather than the caricature you have constructed in your mind. She’s a really cute little girl, who early on demonstrates a talent for mimicry, raised by a dad who’s basically a criminal and a mom dead-set on becoming famous herself using her daughters as a vehicle. Everything in her life becomes getting the part, getting more exposure, getting more famous, bringing in more cash. What kind of values are likely to result when this is your entire existence? Is it any wonder that she’s lost and vapid? Or is even that just an act put on to keep her in the spotlight? Those European and Asian endorsement deals are pretty sweet, after all; posing in one mink will buy an awful lot of what you need, to forget that your life doesn’t add up to much beyond pointless hedonism.  Image is everything, and all of us do it (I just did it in characterizing her parents, who I know nothing about, and consequently have no right to judge them. What am I, Cal Thomas? There, I just did it to someone else.)

Anyway, sweet little girl, likable, talented and apparently hard-working, by all accounts throws it all away before she’s 23, surrounded by stories of diva-like behavior and some of the worst role choices this side of Paris Hilton. At least she’s rich. For now.

Ten Best Roles: 10) I Know Who Killed Me 9) Chapter 27 8) Georgia Rule 7) A Prairie Home Companion 6) The Parent Trap 5) Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen 4) Just My Luck 3) Herbie Fully Loaded (this seems like a prophecy for the title of her potential direct to DVD soft porn production, doesn’t it? Lindsay Fully Loaded?) 2) Mean Girls 1) Freaky Friday

Percentile Rating: 77.77

Peak Period: 1998 – 2005

Neighborhood: Kevin Dillon, Tess Harper, Emile Hirsch, Don Knotts, Jason Lee, Melissa Leo

Donal Logue

Like Ron Livingston, he’s mostly remembered for a single role, the nearly lovable lumbering slacker title character of The Tao of Steve. He’s had a few dramatic parts as well, appeared in dozens of films, though largely in minor roles that don’t get much traction under this evaluation system. Took a detour into American sitcoms for a few years that also cut into his significance rating.

Ten Best Roles: 10) The Big Tease 9) The Size of Watermelons 8) Blade 7) The Chateau 6) Just Like Heaven 5) Comic Book Heroes 4) The Opportunists 3) The Crew 2) Men with Guns 1) The Tao of Steve

Percentile rating: 73.22

Peak Period: 1999 – 2005

Neighborhood: Selma Blair, Kevin Corrigan, Chris Elliott, Iain Glen, Linda Hunt, Nicky Katt

Ron Livingston

C’mon. Office Space. I mean, really. It may seem like a curse to him, because he created such an unforgettable and hilarious character, making Jennifer Aniston cool by association. He’s done other good work as well, else he wouldn’t get commented on here, but Office Space could conceivably hang around his neck every bit as much as Luke Skywalker clung to Mark Hamill.

Ten best roles: 10) Campfire Tales 9) Two Ninas 8) Pretty Persuasion 7) The Low Life 6) The Cooler 5) Holly 4) Music Within 3) Swingers 2) Band of Brothers 1) Office Space (c’mon)

Percentile rating: 81.47

Peak Period: 1996 – 2001

Neighborhood: Eleanor Bron, Jeffrey Combs, Jan DeCleir, Griffin Dunne, Philip Baker Hall, Jared Leto