Easy Come Easy Gaughin

It is merely sleeping, but is nearly ready to return for your edification.

1) Tampa Bay over Chicago

2) Oakland over Kansas City

3) Cleveland over Seattle

4) New England is idle

5) NY Jets over San Diego

6) San Francisco is idle

7) Detroit over Atlanta

8) Green Bay over Minnesota

9) Cincinnati is idle

10) Baltimore over Jacksonville

11) New Orleans over Indianapolis

12) See 5)

13) Pittsburgh over Arizona

14) Tennessee over Houston

15) See 2)

16) See 13)

17) Dallas over St Louis

18) See 14)

19) Denver over Miami

20) NY Giants are idle

21) Buffalo is idle

22) See 19)

23) See 1)

24) See 8)

25) See 7)

26) See 3)

27) Carolina over Washington

28) See 10)

29) Philadephia is idle

30) See 27)

31) See 11)

32) See 17)

Since they’re working out so well to date (no) let’s keep them going! Andy R, if you’re reading this, Oklahoma’s up to number 40! The system projects the following top 25 teams will win this week (and doesn’t give half a crap about the others.)

1) Clemson over North Carolina

2) Alabama over Tennessee

3) See 2)

4) LSU over Auburn

5) Virginia Tech over Boston College

6) Georgia Tech over Miami Fl

7) Cincinnati over South Florida

8) Georgia’s taking the week off to recover from the physical beatdown administered by Vandy

9) Virginia over NC State

10) Vanderbilt over Army

11) South Carolina is idle (Coach Spurrier needs a break, to rectify his recent break with reality)

12) See 4)

13) Arkansas over Mississippi

14) Florida’s taking the week off

15) Kentucky over Jacksonville St

16) Louisville over Rutgers

17) Southern Miss over Southern Meth

18) Western Kentucky over La La

19) See 1)

20) Middle Tennessee over Florida Atlantic

21) Arkansas St over Florida International

22) Wake Forest over Duke

23) See 9)

24) West Virginia over Syracuse

25) Boise St over Air Force

and the rest of the teams

This crazy experiment continues. My initial rankings this year were narcissistically based on the team’s proximity to me. Teams then switch position according to a variation on the great American spelling bee tradition, shaming teams/children by dropping their position whenever they can’t win/spell. There is tight gravity at the top of the list, so if you get near the top, it takes two or three losses to drop you down significantly. Why? Physical proximity to me theoretically gives strength. I don’t think you can deny that. Or if you do, my ego will just ignore it. Plus, I have research to support that my insane system works better than any other conceivable system. There’s contradictory research, but the greatest thing about contradictory research is that your preconceptions are supported by research, if not by reality. Also, it keeps those lousy teams west of the Mississippi down in the ditch where they belong.

So here’s where teams stand after 6 weeks.

1) Clemson will trounce Maryland to re-establish their top ranking.

2) My heart tells me that Tennessee will get whipped by LSU, but my system tells me the Vols will win. Dumb system.

3) Georgia Tech will beat down Virginia.

4) Alabama shouldn’t even be allowed to do what they are going to do to Ole Miss.

5) Vanderbilt will avenge UT’s loss to Georgia (no they won’t.)

6) I may endanger my job by picking Virginia Tech to beat Wake Forest. But anyone that knows me professionally is fully aware that my middle name is oh-my-god-what-did-that-just-say-and-did-I-really-hit-the-send-button-and-everything-is-empty-and-meaningless-anyway-so-who-gives-half-a-crap.

7) Cincinnati should have no trouble with Louisville, who lost to their shadow a couple of weeks ago, but because of their relative proximity to me, remain in the top 25 (and losing to Cincinnati won’t hurt them in the system one whit. Not even half a whit. Half a whit, get it?

8) See 5)

9) South Carolina wins at Mississippi State. Spurrier’s gone insane.

10) North Carolina continues Miami’s descent, thank goodness, not that I am that crazy about North Carolina either. I should build in a factor giving a slight additional advantage to the team with fewer gunshot and stabbing arrests.

11) Auburn beats Florida. Muschamp rhymes with doucheramp.

12) See 2)

13) Arkansas’s got the week off. I am taking my 574th week of not caring about Arkansas off.

14) See 11)

15) Kentucky has the week off too.

16) See 7)

17) Southern Miss is idle.

18) See 3)

19) Surprising Illinois will beat delightfully surprisingingly horrible Ohio St. Round at the ends, low statewide.

20) Western Kentucky beats Florida Atlantic. Who? And who?

21) Middle Tennessee is licking it’s wounds in its cave this week. May come out and play next week.

22) Arkansas State has to stay home from school this week. Mommy won’t let them play.

23) See 6, but don’t tell my boss

24) North Carolina State is also off this week. Is there some holiday I am not aware of?

25) Michigan beats Michigan State. Sorry Joe.

The rest of nem teams

A couple of people have asked why I am not ranking NFL teams this year. I am. It’s just that last year, there was quite a bit of interest in my college rankings, not so much for the pros. But I keep it for me, I might as well keep sharing it. Unlike my insane initial set-up for college ball, which was based upon how close the teams were to me, the initial NFL rating was completely random, and looked like this

Now, two weeks in, it looks like this

After week three’s games, Vanderbilt is (3-0), ranked number 1, and will remain so until they are beaten. There is nothing I can say to make this blurb any better, so here’s the rankings.

Only three teams fell out of the top 25 this week, leading me to suspect that my system for this year is too static. The upside is that we are unlikely to get any Pac who-cares-how-many teams in the top 25 any time soon, and I will trade accuracy for that privilege any day.